


I Don't Even Know Man

by Anonymous



Series: Yanny's Hermitfics [2]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Awkwardness, Blow Jobs, First Time, M/M, Oral Sex, the usual of course, this doesnt really have an ending it just sorta... ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:42:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29809287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: In which Ex has a problem and Worm Man is a really good friend.
Relationships: Evil Xisuma/Worm Man, evilworm
Series: Yanny's Hermitfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211072
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29
Collections: Anonymous





	I Don't Even Know Man

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry i got invested in a ship between characters that only have two scenes together it won't happen again i promise

Ex was getting frustrated. Not in the usual sense of getting caught up in whatever scheme was bound to fail. Rather, he felt on edge. Like if he went one more day feeling the way he did, he’d just explode.

He needed to fuck someone.

Or be fucked. He wasn’t picky.

It was a silly reason to be upset, he knew that, but he felt like he could stand to be a little selfish when it came to this sort of thing. 

He could barely even bring himself to listen to whatever harebrained idea Worm Man was explaining to him. Both of them were in the new-and-improved and actually-meant-to-house-two-people Worm Cave. Ex figured if he nodded enough times, Worm Man wouldn’t question whether or not he was listening, and he could continue sinking into the couch while pushing any indecent thoughts out of his head.

“Er, Evil X? Are you feeling alright?” Worm Man asked, snapping Ex out of his thoughts.

So much for that. The downside to being comfortable enough without his armor around Worm Man was that he ended up reading Ex pretty easily.

“Course I am.” Ex coughed, readjusting himself. “Is there a problem?”

“Well, I don’t mean to be rude but you just seem… distracted.”

“No, no. I’m listening, just keep going.”

“Hmm,” he eyed Ex up and down and sat down next to him. He placed a hand on his shoulder. “You do know if anything is bothering you I’d be happy to help, right? I couldn’t have my sidekick sulking around the server without doing anything about it.”

Ex scoffed. As annoying as he was sometimes, Worm Man always seemed to make things easier to handle--emotionally, at least. They’d known each other for quite a while, so Ex reasoned if there was anyone he could talk to about this kind of thing, it’d be him. He’d just have to avoid certain specifics to avoid Worm Man the discomfort and himself the embarrassment.

“Mm, if I tell you about it, will you promise not to be weird?”

He flapped his hands excitedly. “I knew there was something! Go ahead then!”

Ex rolled his eyes. “Well, lately I’ve been… having this problem. It’s not life-threatening or anything, but it’s, like, an everyday thing.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Uh.” Ex paused. “I’ve been really… frustrated lately.”

“Oh! Well, what about?”

“Frustrated, like… as a man.”

Worm Man tilted his head, clearly confused. Ex clenched his fist, trying to explain this in a way that didn’t make him seem like a pervert.

“I don’t think I can talk about this with you,” Ex admitted.

“No no no! Pleeeeeease, Exy? I can be trustworthy and serious!”

“You’re not really the issue here.”

“Then what?”

“Well, it’s just- It’s embarrassing!”

“You know I’ll just find out eventually. I’ll just use my incredible deductive skills to figure out what’s bothering you and fix it myself!”

That was probably true, Ex thought. Not the incredible deductive skills part, but his partner was nosy and just observant enough to realize what was going on sooner or later.

“Fine… I-” He took a deep breath. “Ihaven’tgottenlaidinawhileandit’sbeenstressingmeout.”

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I haven’t, uh, had sex in a long time and now I’m all-” He gestured vaguely with his hands. “-pent up. That’s what’s been bothering me.”

“Oh.” Just as Ex thought, Worm Man immediately became uncomfortable. He cleared his throat. “Well, surely you’ve tried… relieving yourself, right?”

“You mean masturbating?”

“Yes, that.”

“Well, obviously, yeah I’ve masturbated, but there’s only so much that can help. After a while, it gets kinda boring and it just defeats the purpose.”

“Hmm, troubling indeed. And you don’t have anyone else you can talk to about this?”

“No one I’m close enough to on the server. Besides Xisuma, but-” He shuddered. “-I’m not talking to him about this sort of thing.”

“Right, I see.”

“So… Yeah, that’s why I’ve been all out of sorts.”

“I'm glad you could talk to me about this, Evil X.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

“Now, I can properly help you out!”

Ex stared at Worm Man in disbelief. He would’ve laughed out loud if he saw any sign that the other was joking. However, looking at the other man, he only had the same genuine smile he wore facing any other problem.

“Are- You’re not kidding are you?” Ex asked incredulously.

“Nope!” Worm Man replied, still beaming.

“No offense, but… you don’t seem like the type to do that sort of thing.”

“None taken, friend, but I’m perfectly capable of doing sex.”

“Don’t say it like that, please-”

“Nevertheless, I should have no trouble figuring things out.”

Ex did a double-take at that. “Wait, have you never actually had sex before? Like, with anyone?”

“Well, not exactly. I’ve never really had to.” Worm Man rubbed the back of his neck, a little nervous for the first time in their conversation. “But I’m a fast learner, and I’m sure it couldn’t be that hard.”

Ex would’ve snorted and tried to make some immature joke about how hard it would be, but instead, he just got more anxious. It wasn’t really a surprise to him that Worm Man was a virgin--as harsh as that sounded--he was more so worried he’d be his first.

“You sure you want your first time to be with me?” Ex asked, voice a little shakier than he would’ve liked.

“Well, why not?” 

“I… Well, usually people’s first times are with people they care about a lot, y’know?”

Worm Man furrowed his brow and reached for Ex’s hand. “Exy, of course, I care about you! I couldn’t imagine anyone I’d rather have my first time with than you.”

Ex blushed, “Sure, sure. I just wanna make sure you know what you’re getting into.”

“As I said, it shouldn’t be too difficult for us.” He clapped his hands together. “Now, how should we start?”

“Oh… Oh! You wanna start now?”

“Yes. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, I just… I didn’t expect it I guess.” Ex looked awkwardly at the other man, thinking about his next course of action. “People usually start by kissing and just… y’know foreplay stuff.”

“Oh, I can do that, that’s easy!” Worm Man snaked an arm around Ex’s waist and pulled him in closer. Their faces were inches from each other. Ex’s mouth hung open, mostly from shock at his directness. He kept alternating between staring at Worm Man’s eyes and staring at his lips.

“Uh, is this… okay?” Worm Man used another hand to tilt Ex’s chin up.

“Yes, can I just kiss you already?” Ex hastily asked.

“Oh! Y-” 

Ex leaned forward and captured the other’s lips, silencing a surprised noise from him. He trailed a hand down the back of Worm Man’s neck, feeling the warmth of his skin. Ex sighed against him. He wanted to do more. He wanted to kiss harder, to bite, to shove his tongue in his mouth, at least, but what little self-control he had in this situation took over. He didn’t wanna scare Worm Man off or make him uncomfortable, so going at the other’s pace, as slow as it might be, was the best he could do. Although, Ex thought, if it meant he could keep hearing the small mewls and whines Worm Man was making now, he didn't think he would mind.

They pulled away from each other. Worm Man looked absolutely dazed, his lips red and wet with spit. Ex didn’t often think of things as gorgeous, but those really were his thoughts looking at his partner. He placed a hand on his cheek.

“You alright, love?” Ex asked with a small smile.

“Ah, yes. You’re really good at that, actually,” Worm Man said.

“I’m glad. Did you wanna continue or..?”

“Well, what did you have in mind? You’re the one whose problem I’m supposed to be solving.”

Ex thought for a bit. “I think I wanna blow you, to start, at least. You do know what that means, right?”

“Uh, assume I don’t?”

“It means I’d be sucking your dick if you’re fine with it.”

“Oh,” He blushed, looking down and then back up at Ex. “Then yes, I’m fine with that.”

“You sure? You can say no to stuff, I won’t mind or anything.”

“No, no! I really am fine with it. That sounds… quite good actually.”

“Alright then-” Ex stood up and grabbed Worm Man’s hand. “-we should get to a bed, I don’t want your first blowjob to be on our couch.”

Worm Man stood up and followed Ex to his room. Once they stepped in, closing the door behind them, Ex brought him into another kiss, pushing him against the entrance. This time, Ex managed to draw a whimper out of the other man. He placed a hand on Worm Man’s chest and pulled away.

“Can you… Is there a way you can take this off?” Ex asked, rubbing circles on Worm Man’s suit.

“Y-yeah. Just give me a second, if you will.”

Ex backed up and tried not to focus on Worm Man stripping awkwardly in front of him. One-piece suits were great for crime-fighting but not so much for strip teases, both of them realized. After some time, he’d stripped completely. Ex eyed him up and down, noticing how his gaze was making him tense up and blush deeper.

“Um, what next, Exy?” Worm Man asked, hands close to his sides.

“Mm, have a seat on the bed,” Ex purred.

Worm Man walked toward the bed and sat down, his hands placed awkwardly in his lap. Ex followed behind him, taking note of his half-hard erection he seemed like he was trying to cover. He kneeled in front of him, placing his hands on the other’s knees.

“Are you sure you’re fine with this?” Ex looked up and met his eyes.

“Yes, like I said before I just… I want it to be good for you,” He smiled down at him.

“It’s been great already, love. Now if you don’t mind-” He spread open Worm Man’s knees and wrapped a hand around his cock. He gasped at the sudden contact, whining at how warm Ex was around him. Ex began stroking slowly, using the precum there as lube. He noticed then just how big Worm Man was. Not incredibly long, by any means, but thick in a way that Ex would’ve loved to have in his mouth. He coaxed the other’s erection to full hardness, all the while hearing his soft moans echo throughout the room. He took his hand away. Worm Man whined at the loss of contact and Ex felt his own dick twitch against his thigh.

“Still good?” Ex asked.

“Yes, just please keep going,” Worm Man moaned out.

Ex leaned forward and took the tip of Worm Man’s cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head. He heard a strained gasp and felt hands grasp at the back of his head. Taking that as an initiative to keep going, Ex took more of his length, stopping just before the base of it. He began bobbing his head up and down slowly and running his tongue along the cock. He felt himself drooling around it, hands bracing themselves around the other’s thighs.

“E-Exy…” Worm Man groaned out from above him.

Ex looked up and saw his partner. His eyes were screwed shut in pleasure and his mouth hung agape. Ex felt his dick twitch in interest again.

Ex wrapped a hand around his own cock and began stroking himself. He moaned around the cock in his mouth, the vibrations causing Worm Man to whine and tug harder on Ex’s hair. Every noise his partner made got him more aroused, making him stroke faster and bringing him closer to finishing.

“A-ah! Exy!” Worm Man screamed, gripping Ex’s hair tight and coming into his mouth. He bucked his hips slightly as he rode out his orgasm, breathing heavily as he finished.

Ex swallowed with a slight grimace and pulled himself off Worm Man’s dick. He jerked himself off until he came with a groan, leaning against his partner’s thigh. He looked up and saw his flushed face looking down at him with love in his eyes.

“Did that, uh, help with your dilemma?” Worm Man asked between gasps.

“It did, actually. Thank you for that.” Ex responded with a smirk.

“Anytime, Evil X,” He beamed down at him before leaning in to kiss his forehead softly.

**Author's Note:**

> do you have ANY IDEA how hard it is to write porn of characters w/ these names...


End file.
